22 Jun Cold vs. Warm People: What Gives?

Being polite is not enough to win over hearts and minds.

Warmth and coldness are critical dimensions of social behavior and can greatly influence our interactions with people, determining whether we will popular or not amongst our peers.

We all have heard expressions such as being “given the cold shoulder”, having a “hot temper”, or someone’s “cold heart” having melted due to a partner’s “warmth”.

A study published by the National Center for Biotechnology Innovation (NCBI) identified two main manners in which people differ in their interpersonal behavior, some individuals are warmer while others are colder, and this is important information to know before engaging with somebody new. The degree to which a person is warm or cold is a good predictor of the relationship quality, the person’s tendency towards aggressiveness, criminality, personality disorder, and even social support.

According to the study, cold people differ from warm people in a number of dimensions. For example, cold people value autonomy while warm people prefer nurturance; cold individuals see their peers are being less trustworthy, while warm people see others as being more trustworthy; cold people value isolation from others while warm people are dependent on others and seek to please them. Warm people are more predisposed to seeking social interactions and are more inclined to help others out in their community while cold people are more egocentric in their interactions and value individualism.

Warm people tend to offer more emotional comfort to friends and acquaintances, following all the rules of etiquette and politeness, but adding on an element of relatability and “human touch” that helps form deeper bonds. Cold people are polite and caring just the same, but lack that comforting element and relatable touch that makes relationships deeper and stronger.

Friendships come a bit easier to warmer people, as they attract others with their transparent and humble personality.

This video sums up the difference between warm and cold people, helping to understand the subtle, yet fundamental differences between these two personality types:

Dr. John Bargh, a clinical psychologist, and Yale professor has been studying the relationship between personality and warmth. how feelings of warmth and coldness affect the way we feel, interact, and how we can alter these emotions.

In one experiment, Dr. Bargh evenly divided a sample of students and gave each side a warm cup of coffee or a cup of iced coffee. After giving each a warm or cold drink, they were given a description of a stranged and prompted to evaluate him or her. Interestingly, those who were given the warm beverage evaluated the stranger as being warm, while those given a cold beverage evaluated the stranger as being cold. This and other forms of the same experiment demonstrate the association between warmth and social interactions.

In the cases where someone viewed another as cold, their behavior towards that individual was also cold – all based on the presence of something hot or cold around.

Research also suggests that simply having a warm cup of soup, taking a hot shower, or enjoying a hot meal can influence our perception of ourselves and others.

So how can you take advantage of this information? 

Well, for one, don’t attempt to change who you are and be true to yourself, don’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or insincere.

Second, try taking a warm bath before meeting up with friends or enjoying a hot soup during an appointment, it can potentially change your view on how the encounter is going or on the person you are interacting with.

Third, in order to be warmer personality-wise, try joking about something funny or slightly negative that happened to you recently. Turn something like tripping over a rock, almost hitting a pole while walking and looking down at your cell phone, or saying something awkward to someone into an event to giggle over. Admitting mistakes to others makes you human and relatable when interacting with people, plus it can turn an awkward event into a comical anecdote!