21 May The Simple Secret to be More Confident
Posted at 19:56h
in Uncategorized
The secret to confidence
One thing that held me back from putting myself out there was a lack of self-confidence.
During my school years, I had a really hard time making new friends because I was afraid of being rejected. It had the constant feeling that I was different or not good enough to enjoy being a part of a group. This was driven mostly by negative views about my body which I delve deeper into in The Power of Self-Love and by my sense of being simply uninteresting.
Everybody else seemed to be so cool and witty. How did they do it?
I also had difficulties applying for jobs as I grew older, feeling like I didn’t meet all the job requirements without giving it a shot first.
Why would a company want me on their team?
Even though I possessed all the skills needed to do the job and performed beyond expectations, I felt that I wasn’t enough.
Everybody else seemed to have everything figured out. What was their secret?
The secret is self-confidence.
The fear of failure is common for everyone, we all face it. The key question is how we overcome it.
Self-confidence allows us to freely say and do what we believe is right, regardless if others deride or criticize us.
It allows us to make mistakes and learn from them.
It also helps us to accept compliments and take credit for our hard work.
We gain self-confidence when we see ourselves achieving our goals and improving our skill set. It’s the knowledge that if we work hard and put in the effort, we’ll succeed. It’s the confidence that leads individuals to accept challenges and persists when faced with obstacles.
It may seem daunting to build self-confidence, especially when we’re fixed in the vicious cycle of exaggerating our weaknesses while undermining our assets.
Some people just seem to be naturals, confident in their abilities and their opinions. But are some people inherently more confident than others?
These seemingly confident people have common characteristics. They are energetic, assertive, great posture, optimistic, walk with purpose and are generally calm.
They never speak their mind without making eye contact, cross their legs, or slouch during a meeting (this can be culture-bound).
Think of a famous person, friend, or relative you see as confident – would they ever do the above-mentioned gestures?
Not likely.
But, there is a simple trick to gain self-confidence instantly, boosting people’s perception of you, and boost your self-image.
The secret is posture
I know, it seems crazy, but bear with me.
A while back, TED featured an inspiring talk by Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist who studies prejudice and teaches as a University Lecturer for Harvard business school’s MBA program. As part of her “Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are” talk, she discusses how power poses affect our self-confidence and project a confident (or insecure) image to others.
Here’s how they work:
The “high power pose”
This would be the Wonder Woman pose or standing like an athlete that just won a competition. These are body postures that expand the rib cage and make you look physically bigger.
The “low power pose”
This pose involves gestures such as crossing your arms, sitting down and hunching, or any posture where you make yourself appear tinier. When we feel like we lack power, we tend to close in and take up less room.
Ms. Cuddy conducted a series of experiments measuring the presence of two hormones in volunteers — the stress hormone cortisol and the dominant hormone testosterone. She measured them before and after using a “high power pose” or a “low power pose” for about two minutes. They were not told why they were taking on the pose.
It turned out, our bodies have immense power to influence our minds.
The volunteers who held a “high power pose” had a 20% increase in testosterone while those engaging in a “low power pose” had a stark decrease of 10%.
The findings for cortisol were as impressive. Those who held a “high power pose” had a 25% decrease while those having a “low power pose” had a 15% increase in cortisol.
This happened all in just two minutes!
Below are some sample power poses:
So there you have it. The secret to instant self-confidence is good posture.
You can practice good posture by following these tips:
- Be more aware of how you are sitting. Are you slouching or sitting straight? Expand your chest and pull back your shoulders.
- Straighten your back when standing, allow yourself to look taller and more prominent.
- Don’t cross your arms
- Make eye contact when addressing someone or a group
Remind yourself continuously that you are knowledgeable and people are interested in what you have to say. Your opinion matters.
Self-confidence may be easier for some than for others, but with posing practice, you can train yourself to be more confident. Extra: no more lower back pain!