08 Jun Why We Need to Have More Conversations About Race, and How To Go About It Mindfully

Conversations around race don’t have to be difficult

Recent events and protests are sparking questions in how to talk about race. Not backing out of these conversations will lead to a more equitable and just future. 

I’ll admit that I’m not a civil rights expert or someone who has dealt with this topic much. I never had a problem speaking about race, it was never an issue for me since I grew up in Europe where it wasn’t as much of a problem.

But living many years in the United States exposed me to a whole new world of topics around society and race. So I felt a need to do some research and become a more informed citizen. 

I identify as a white woman, so I have my own set of discriminations and issues to face in society. Therefore, I’m not a stranger to inequality. 

That being said, I cannot imagine the further strata of issues added on top of mine that Black and Latinx women suffer on the daily. But instead of focusing on white guilt, I’d rather focus on turning talk about difficult conversations around race into action. 

Why it’s important to have conversations about race

Conversations inspire and drive action. People need to feel both comfortable and interested in learning more about race and inequality in order to support.

White people often avoid conversations involving race out of fear of misinterpretation or simply “saying the wrong thing”. Black and non-Black POC often avoid these conversations for the opposite reason — out of fear of being perceived as complaining.

But, it’s time to tackle the elephant in the room or it wn’t disappear on its own. 

In the United States, minorities now account for 37% of the population. By 2060, that number will go up to 57%. According to the U.S. Department of Commerce, nonwhite ethnic groups will make up 85% of U.S. population growth between 2011 and 2050. As these changes transform our environments, being able to talk about race will become more important.

Before recent events, I was more of a passive ally than an active one; I admit it. But I want to do more and drive change. This has all been a learning experience so far.

To write this blog post I did some research, gathered tips from Black and non-Black POC from both my friendships and from around the internet, and looked into how to tackle tough conversations about race. These are some tips on how to engage in these conversations:

Set aside your preconceptions

Before entering a conversation about race, take some time to acknowledge that your own (or someone else’s) personal experience can’t give a complete view on complex issues like these, your reality is not everyone’s. Setting aside preconceptions before entering a conversation about race leaves wiggle room for you to see other values and perspectives.

The world we live in today has many antiquated systems that were often initially established for reasons that aren’t valid anymore (or never were) so they need to be modified or removed. So just because things are the way they are doesn’t mean there’s a good reason for it. 

Initiate the conversation with respect 

It’s critical to initiate the subject of race with respect. Being respectful of every facet of the topic, of its weight and subtleties, of its history of suffering and oppression, and of lingering inequalities in the system today.

Also, respect for the plethora of stories, perspectives, and narratives that have been either under the spotlight lately or swept under the rug. 

When imitating a conversation about race, it’s ok to share how you personally feel about the subject, but don’t be confrontational when the other person says something you don’t agree with at first.

Discussions about racial discrimination, violence, and inequality can quickly polarize a room and generate friction — so coming from a place of respect can help mitigate potential disaccord and preserve a peaceful environment for a wholesome dialogue. 

Embrace your unawareness

If like me you identify as white, you’re probably unaware of many facts and nuances regarding race. And that’s ok. 

The path to learning also involves resigning from a place of comfort and accepting the position of having to listen and not knowing all the answers. This reigns true in most parts of your life, and it’s especially true when dealing with race. 

Acquaint yourself with the feeling of not understanding or knowing yet and open up to changing your mind. Let this propel you to learn more. 

Don’t be fearful of asking questions, they are a sign of genuine curiosity and respect for the topic — not asking any could cause lingering ignorance and might damage to the conversation.

When asking questions, open-ended questions are best, as they allow people space to express their thoughts and opinions. Open-ended questions also encourage empathy, as they dig deeper into a topic. It’s been shown that empathy — the ability to perceive and act upon the emotional state of others (by truly caring about their wellbeing) — has the power to drive change in values and behavior. 

Check your motivation

Why are you having these conversations? Is it because you want to feel less guilty, a desire to “fit in”, or a minor project of yours? Then you might want to back up. 

Having these conversations should be about change and understanding racism better so you can keep the foot on the progress gas. 

It may not have affected your reality, but history is important and you should honor all pain in pursuing justice. 

Research and listen

The first part is researching. You don’t need to do extensive research or prep first, just the basics to get a sense of where you stand on and how you feel about the subject.

Look up articles, books, white papers, academic studies, webinars, and virtual interviews explaining the topics of race. If you’re at a loss on where to search for literature on existing biases, privilege, and how you can take action to help black and minority communities, check out this resource list.

Then, get even more active through workshops, conferences, meetups, and casual conversations with friends and coworkers. Those conversations will be tough at first, but there’s no growth without a bit of uneasiness. Do your research to be better informed and have more meaningful discussions. 

The second part is listening. Mindful listening is a skill which takes time and practice to master. Investing the minimum possible amount of time listening in order to come up with a quick solution or answer will not cut it for racial inequality. Allow and support the person in expressing their range of emotions (rage, anguish, sadness, hopelessness) about what’s happening as well as listen with compassion to their feelings. 

Active and mindful listening often encourages questions, which show a willingness to learn and to understand. 

Also, practice reflective listening. This is another great technique to diffuse potential confrontation: sit back, closely listen to what the other person is saying, and paraphrase it by repeating back what you understood. It’s a sign of understanding and helps the other person feel listened to. 

Digest and internalize new information

New information needs to go through your internal filter, made up of your prevailing viewpoint. Facts usually don’t change people’s views, it takes a lot more. It takes a story and a bit of reframing so that people can listen to the issue under a new lens.

When you connect facts to an overarching value and meaning, it adds a lot more color. Hearing raw facts can spark a small reaction in people, reminding them of the importance of the matter, but after a bit, they become another piece of breaking news. Stories, on the other hand are human, and humans listen to humans.

Validate the other person’s emotions (a simple “I understand how you’re feeling” could be enough). Many times, especially with people of color, their emotions are often invalidated.

Vouch for change

As a first step, analyze your own internal race-based biases. We all have implicit biases we need a daily reminder to confront, so make that a commitment. Change is hard, but it’ll open you up to a new world of conversations. 

It can take anywhere between 21 and 66 to solidify a habit, and this doesn’t just ring true with eating and exercise. It works with views and believes about race too. Slow progress and dedication are key, so a commitment to embarking on a journey of re-education about race and racism is already a big step. 

Conclusion

After having these tough conversations, it’s helpful to ask for feedback and offer a helping hand. Uncovering bias, discrimination, and other societal problems takes a great deal of strength and openness from both sides. Saying, “how can I support this cause better? I’m here” or “I understand and want to take action” goes a long way.

The difficult conversation should hopefully convey a sense of hope at the end that will inspire action and activism. Which, in turn, will help build and perpetuate a more just and equitable society and eradicate discrimination.